if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
