I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
