worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
