Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
