Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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