I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Randomize
