I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
