I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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