i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
