Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
