I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize