Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
