Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize