Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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