It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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