I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
