Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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