you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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