You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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