I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
