I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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