I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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