You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Ketchup is God's man juice
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
