how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
