Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
