And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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