I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Randomize
