so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
