p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
This toilet bowl is my home.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
