I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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