i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
