Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Randomize
