I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
