Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
