OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
As shirtless as possible
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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