I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
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