I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
