wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
