I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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