Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
