I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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