I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
