If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
