I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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