It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
