Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
