clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You need Xanax blowdarts
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
