You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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