Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
