Porn is love you can see.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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