Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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