Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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