Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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