Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
