I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
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