so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
