Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
