he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
