cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
