when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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