finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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