matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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