that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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