I accidentally had phone sex last night
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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