check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
