No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
